Selected Poems

size matters sighs matter

•

put a little south
in your mouth honey
says dip’s country kitchen
405 west rosemary street
chapel hill north carolina

•

and now what we
need is a good
joke with which to
remember 1998 a very
singular year in our
tawdry and tacky republic
so what do you
call a blow-job that
lasts for eight days
give up well the
answer is hanukkah lewinsky

•

look at me when
i’m taking to you

Scenes of Childhood, Last Day of Gene Ramey’s School,
Cornelia, Georgia, 1942

hurray hurray hurray hurray
the first of may
outdoor fucking starts today

•

End Game

ain’t no pig meat
on the stove and
the woman done took
all the turnip greens

•

The Chef

anything that dies fries

•

After Catullus

who’ll chop your suey
when i go kerflooie

•

Courtesy of Bill Scheft

julius caesar walks into
a bar tells the
bartender i’ll have a
matinus bartender says don’t
you mean a martini
and caesar says if
i’d wanted a double
I’d ask for it

•

Buddy Hacket

they told him to
behave as though he
were an egg he
lay down on the
floor they asked him
what he was doing
i’m a fried egg

•

Jimmy at 16

i’m not so strong
on love i just
love to do it

•

O. J. in South Florida

i met this girl
once and she tells
me she only dates
guys with ten inches
i said baby i
ain’t cuttin’ off two
inches for not nobody

•

Gary Carden Reports From The Coffee Shop in Sylva

what you readin’ carden
jonathan williams izat that
funny feller you must
be thinking of winters
hell yes down to
20 degrees this morning

•

Three Sayings From Highlands, North Carolina

but pretty though as
roses is
you can put up with
the thorns

Doris Talley, Housewife & Gardener

you live until you die—
if the limb don’t fall

Butler Jenkins, Caretaker

your points is blue
and your timing’s
a week off

Sam Creswell, My Auto Mechanic

•

the irish working class
is uniquely literate in
the western world for
example two englishmen on
a london building site
one says to the
other fucking hell stewart
why are you still
hiring these fucking paddies
after all the bombings
and all i’ll tell
you why mate they’re
very very intelligent he
calls over paddy paddy
tell my friend the
difference between a joist
and a girder sure
and begorra dead easy
boss joist wrote ulysses
and girder wrote faust

•

my daughter can spot
a cute boy at
150 yards what she
can’t find is a
tomato in the refrigerator

•

i just had sex on the coney island
ferris wheel it was
not a dream and
boy am i glad

•

Stan Getz (1927–1991)

i’ve never played a
note i didn’t mean
and i’d like that
written on my tombstone

•

A Valediction For My Father (1898–1974)

all the old things
are gone now

and the people are
different

•

Big Irma

i might be too
old to cut the
mustard but i can
still lick the jar