William Baer


I’ve been a congressman, a film producer,

a big-time novelist, a New Age quack,

a Kennedy, a Grammy introducer,

a Fox reporter, an all-pro cornerback.

Sure, it’s fraud, but I’ve lived at the Ritz,

cruised Hawaii and the Maritimes,

done the Oscars, comped the glitz

in Vegas, and been to La Scala six times.

Dangerous? I’ve been arrested at least

five times and never spent a night in jail.

But it’s not easy. It take a true artiste,

absolute commitment, refuse to fail,

and far more talent than any of those fad-

ish money-grubbing celebrities ever had.